Living Without You
by Christina B
Summary: Through the events of Secrets of the Jedi, ObiWan and Siri must cope with their lost love and learn to live without each other. One shot!


Disclaimer: I don't own Obi-Wan, Siri nor the song Without You.

AN: This is one bunny that bit me quite awhile ago, but it took me a long while to finally do it. The song is Without You by Kimberley Locke and Clay Aiken and the story takes place around the events of Secrets of the Jedi. Enjoy!

**Without You**

"_Don't look at me like that. You look as though you're saying good bye."_

"_The rules will not change." _

"_That would lie between us and be greater than our love."_

"_Is this what love is?"_

"_I can't imagine walking out of this room without being together, but I know it has to be done."_

"_There's only one way this is going to work. We have to forget it ever happened."_

"_I'm not going to look back, not once."_

"_It starts now."_

He'd given up believing this was all a terrible nightmare. Words continued to haunt him with no true end in sight. A conversation, that shouldn't have happened and a heartache that might never go away.

He felt the gentle mist from the fountain next to him, but he didn't care to move out of the way. He was numb inside, and he wasn't sure he would ever be the same again. Obi-Wan Kenobi fell in love with Siri Tachi, and now they were permanently altered.

_Never even thought to cry, when I heard you say goodbye. Never said where you were goin'. There's no laughter in the air, only silence everywhere. And so much left unspoken_

Obi-Wan felt his tears drifting slowly down his face as he tried to control the raging pain and grief that he felt so acutely. He wanted to think that this was all some terrible nightmare, and that she would come back in his life. That wouldn't happen, the rules wouldn't change. And as he knew that he was going to be a Jedi someday, he knew he would never be with her.

He knew that memories of this last mission would continue to haunt him for years to come. Siri said she would forget it ever happened, but was she lying or was that going to be as real for her as their love for one another had been. Obi-Wan just hoped that he would be able to forget this instead of letting it scar him for life.

_Since you've been gone, I haven't been the same. I wish that I could see,_

_who's to blame_

_Without you, where do I belong? Without you, how can I go on? No love but yours will ever do. Tell me, how am I supposed to live my life. Without you?_

He almost wanted to curse the Jedi Order for making him feel such incredible pain that never seemed like it would ever truly dissipate. Having the Force was such an incredible gift, but Obi-Wan wasn't totally sure if he wouldn't give it all up just to be able to love Siri.

Qui-Gon made him do this despite the fact that he once was in love too. Obi-Wan almost felt that his Master was a hypocrite in this way, but then again the death of Tahl had seriously made Qui-Gon rethink his commitment to the Jedi Order. He knew why it was so wrong for Jedi to have attachments, but he didn't want to remember it.

_Was I lost in you and me, to the point I couldn't see. That what we had was dyin'? Now it's all that I can do, to see photographs of you.__And stop myself from cryin'_

_I should learn to, live without your love. Got so many memories, but it's not enough._

_Without you, where do I belong? Without you, how can I go on? No love but yours will ever do. Tell me, how am I supposed to live my life. Without you?_

Siri Tachi was trying to forget, no she was forcing herself to forget. _I've never been in love,_ she told herself. It was easier said then done, however, as she couldn't get the painful look in Obi-Wan's eyes out of her mind. Loving someone for so long was never an easy thing to forget, especially when the person in question had long been her best friend.

They built up such a history over so many years, that it would be hard to just think of Obi-Wan as just another colleague. They had known each other for years, but it really wasn't until their mission to Kegan that they really became friends. Some time later Obi-Wan's Master Qui-Gon was kidnapped by the evil Jenna Zanna Arbor and Siri was there to help Obi-Wan.

Their lives clashed in so many ways over the years and now that would have to cease. Siri would still have to work with Obi-Wan but that's all she could allow it to be. They were Jedi and that commitment was more important than any lost love. Siri was going to force herself to believe this was true, at all costs.

_I feel helpless and, oh, so all alone. Like I've never felt before. You made me feel alive, but I don't remember what it's like anymore._

_Without you, where do I belong? Without you, how can I go on? Tell me, how am I supposed to live my life without you?_

_Oh, baby, where do I belong without you? Please tell me, how can I go on without you?_

Siri was dead, it seemed to reverberate throughout Obi-Wan's very being as he tried to forget that it could possibly be true. Dead at the hands of Magus the bounty hunter it was all Obi-Wan could do not to kill him in revenge. But he was a Jedi and he knew that in the end it wouldn't have been right.

This latest mission was a reminder of a time when he was sixteen and fell in love with another. He had forgotten that time until he was forced to remember it on this mission. Through all these long years Obi-Wan thought for sure that he no longer loved Siri, but it was still there---it would always be.

Siri's warming crystal would always remind him of her; her intense blue eyes, her incredible smile and her sharp wit that only made him fall more in love with her. Siri told him that she would never leave him and that more than anything else is what gave him the strength to move on.

He was a Jedi and that ensured that he would live a sole existence; not allowed to form the kind of bonds most people lived for. But Obi-Wan Kenobi was luckier than most for he knew love and would survive without her.


End file.
